Building Mentally Tough Children

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Just Say hey , the podcast Podcast where we talk about the things that matter to small farms , because you know what ? We are a small farm . The other day I was in a store and I saw a young man with his mom , normal son , mother . This young man was and I call him a young man , facial hair , 16 , 18 years old , something like that . Wasn't eavesdropping , but you could hear the mom and the son were having a conversation , don't know about what wasn't really listening , seemed normal . The young man obviously asked for a candy bar right at the checkout you know the POP displays where they have the candy right at the checkout . The mom said no , this young man proceeded to throw a fit , I mean a hissy fit , much like you would see a five , six-year-old kid , do ? I mean it wouldn't be abnormal for a young kid , four or five years old , to throw a fit like that . I mean it wouldn't like it , but you know what it would at least be in the realm . This young man , I mean didn't quite get down on the floor and start kicking his feet , but you know , was certainly throwing a fit , crying . And I don't want to harp on this young man because we don't know his situation . We don't know the emotional and the things that he has dealt with in his life , but after it was all said and done and this is coming to an end , I didn't know what to do . So I sort of looked away and gave the mom and sons kind of their privacy . The mom bought him the candy bar and they left and while , like I said , I don't want to harp on this young man because I don't know his situation , but I don't know the mother and the son's situation . It might not even have been mother , I don't know but it got me to thinking about how important farming is to me , to my family , and the single most important crop that our farm raises , and that's our children . Let's get into it . Welcome to Just Say hey , the podcast where we talk about what matters to small farms , whether it's business , marketing , agronomy , equipment , livestock , health . If it matters to small farms , we'll probably talk about it here , so let's get into it . Like I was talking about before , this young man threw this fit and the mom said no , he threw the fit and then she bought him the candy bar and I think she did the absolute wrong thing .

Speaker 1 2:24

Now , maybe in her situation it was the easiest way you know as a parent . You pick your battles when you are a parent and you say something to your child . When you say something , it has to mean something and it has to mean something every time , something every time . If it doesn't , then you can't really blame the kid when they don't understand what that means . When you say no and my wife tells me I shouldn't use my dog as an example but my dog , if you watch this podcast on YouTube , my dog sits on the couch here next to me every , just about every show . But when I tell her a command , it has to be consistent every single time . It has to mean the same thing , with the same expectation . And the reason for that is simple . If it doesn't mean the same thing every time to her , she gets confused and then you discipline her for not doing . You discipline a dog for not doing that thing that you're asking , and then they get frustrated because they don't understand that when you give the command that it means the same thing every time . And we need to have consistency with our kids .

Speaker 1 3:48

I mean the goal of raising , and I kind of joke about it being the most important crop , but when we're raising kids , if you could start from a blank page and say what do you want your kids to be when they grow up and I'm not talking about Dr Lawyer , you know Indian chief . I'm talking about what do you want them to be ? And my response would be I want them to be mentally and physically tough . I want them to be able to deal with the world as challenges get thrown at them and deal with it in a way that is kind , compassionate , and also deal with it in a way where they don't lose their sense of who they are and what they stand for . Building mentally and physically tough children takes work , and the only way you become tough is to endure things that are tough Farm work , getting up every day to feed the stock . I mean , you deal with these things that are tough every day and it builds . Repetition , builds toughness . You want to be strong . You work out every day or you work every day . You know what you become . You become strong because you do it every day . Being able to accept failure and have it not be the end . What's the old quote ? I've said it on this podcast a couple of times , but success isn't permanent and failure isn't final . Being able to , in a healthy way , accept failure . Being able to , in a healthy way , accept failure .

Speaker 1 5:30

I've told the story before of my kids rodeoed when they were little , I mean from the time they were in grade school through high school and even as adults a little bit . We rodeoed with some families , the vast majority of families that we rodeoed with . I love them To this , families that we rodeoed with . I love them To this day . I still believe I could be anywhere near them and if I broke down or needed something , I could pick up the phone and call any one of them and they'd be there as soon as they could and I would do the same for them .

Speaker 1 5:58

There were a few parents that I think had the wrong approach to life , but they had the right approach to rodeo , if that makes any sense . They wanted to win , and don't get me wrong , I'm competitive , I am really competitive . I want to win , but the other . But the thing we're teaching as parents in those situations in sporting events is not only how to win with dignity and humility , but how to lose , because there's always going to be somebody who's better , faster , stronger . How to lose with dignity and have it not become a . You know you shouldn't get angry and bitter . You should be gracious to the person who won and cheer for them and then go back to the arena and start working harder to beat them next time . That's a healthy way to deal with success and failure and we have to learn that in life as adults , that in life as adults and building those physically tough , mentally tough , mentally resilient kids , it's part of farming . I mean , that's what you become if you work on a farm , if you live this life , and I feel so blessed to be able to do it , because I think it has allowed me to do it , because I think it has allowed me , in a way that I understand anyway , to raise my kids and be proud of them . You know , our goal is to you know , at the end of the day , our job as a parent is to raise children who don't need you . I mean , you sort of work yourself out of a job and that's the goal .

Speaker 1 7:43

My daughter , 24 years old , got herself through school , is a nurse , has a bachelor's in nursing . She is a nurse at the hospital , has been for a couple of years now . She doesn't need me , doesn't need me . She doesn't need me , doesn't need me . Now I hope she still wants me in her life , and I think she does . I feel pretty confident about that . But she doesn't need me . I could die right this minute and she's in good shape . I believe in my heart she is going to go on to a happy and healthy life , proud of her and I'm proud of her for attaining that mental and physical and emotional toughness . I think that's you know . My son is the same way . My son's only 20 . But you know what ? He doesn't need me . Young man has gone through hardship . He's in the Navy , went through a very physically , physically tough program . Didn't end up exactly the way he wanted , but he was tough enough , mentally resilient enough to move on and be happy and healthy and I'm proud of him for that . And I could die right this minute and he's going to be fine . Would he be sad ? I think he would , but he's going to be fine and he's going to go on to have a happy and healthy life because we prepared him in such a way that he's solid and I'm proud of both my kids for that .

Speaker 1 9:34

If you think about this mental , physical and emotional toughness and tough may be the wrong word , maybe resiliency , maybe strength when you talk about this it's like I kind of draw the analogy of if you work hard to buy whatever it is you want , you know you buy a car . Well , you own that car . That car is yours . If you've got a loan for it , the minute you make that last payment , that car is yours . You can do with it . You can choose to do with it what you want once you own it Mental , physical , emotional toughness , spiritual toughness , being able to handle things when they don't go your way , and understand that you know your faith and your choice and spirituality .

Speaker 1 10:23

Your faith isn't going to let you down just because life didn't go your way . You're part of a bigger plan , understanding that . But when you work for mental and physical and emotional and spiritual toughness and strength , you own it , it's yours . Nobody can take it away . You might get beaten , but they can't take that strength and that courage away from you . Again , when you work for it , you earn it , you own it . That's an important process and it's not something that you just say . You don't get up in the morning and say , hey , okay , you're tough . No , it is a process that you learn and you develop and you have to go through the steps , you have to go through the work of it , you have to work for it , you have to earn it before it's yours .

Speaker 1 11:14

And I believe that living on the farm and going through the hardships of farming because it's not always easy and going through the hardships of farming because it's not always easy I mean you all see the pictures of the guy in the beautiful day driving his tractor that's pretty easy . You're sitting up there in the tractor , you're not , you know , digging ditches . But the hard work is all of the other stuff that you have to do to get there , and so it's not always easy . Being a parent isn't easy but again , single most important job in my life has been being a father and a husband . This life that we live on the farm makes it , I think , easier to be a good parent than if you don't have these outlets current , than if you don't have these outlets , these outlets that get kids away from the video games and the addiction to social media . And that's what it is . It's an addiction .

Preparing Children for the Real World

Speaker 1 12:13

I think that the challenges and responsibilities of doing that are easier living this life we live on the farm than it is if you are living in an apartment building in the inner city where you don't have that control . You don't have that ability to have repetitious tasks . You don't have that ability to do these things . Because of that situation , and don't blame people for it . I'm just saying that in our situation we live on a farm it's hard work and that hard work breeds these other traits that we're looking for , some of the things that I think are important as you grow and as you're parenting this balancing the boundaries of being a child to this scary freedom of being an adult and you do that as a parent .

Speaker 1 13:04

In my opinion , you do that over time by setting boundaries , allowing children to grow to where they are safe and comfortable , and they start to push those boundaries and when they do that , you make the boundary bigger , but you keep them safe to where they always feel confident . You push them to where they get towards the boundaries and then , as they grow and as they mature , whatever the trait that you're trying to gain with that specific chore or task or responsibility , then that responsibility gets bigger . So when they get into the real world , they haven't been overprotected their entire childhood and then all of a sudden , they're adults on their own and now everything is out there and they don't know how to make decisions that live up to your moral standards , your you know the code of ethics or a code of the spiritual beliefs that you have . You've now set them free in this world that they don't understand , and I think that is dangerous for kids . We have to , as parents , prepare them for living in the real world . When you talk about , you know those boundaries . Those boundaries are there to keep kids safe and keep them protected , but not to from not protecting them to the point that they are excluded from the world and they may choose , when they get older , to separate themselves from the world . But unfortunately , we have to live in this world and we have to deal with people and we have to conduct business and we have to do these things with people that we morally , ethically , spiritually , whatever , may not always agree 100% with , and we still have to be able to deal with this world . And when you go from being protected in a bubble to now , all of a sudden , you have everything bombarding you . You don't understand how to deal with that and I think that's why the boundaries we have to change those boundaries as they get older .

Speaker 1 15:08

I'll kind of jump back and tell a quick story . My daughter was working in a hospital had a patient become belligerent with her big guy . She felt confident , she was by herself , no security in the building , no other people around , it was just her and this patient . Because I believe , because we my wife and I prepared her for tough situations she was able to keep her cool , not get rattled Internally . I'm sure she was a little afraid , but she didn't show it . She was able to keep her cool , able to go through the process , get this guy calmed down , do it . And that being able to do that and keep your cool is a product of all of the work and the stuff you go through on the farm every day the chores , the physical , the emotional , the mental toughness that you build through that .

Speaker 1 16:10

And I think that we as parents take a step back when I look at the stats from the young adults my daughter and son's age 18 to 24 , sort of a number that they do a lot of statistical , they do a lot of studies , they do a lot of studies and they kind of publish these statistics . I looked the other day and number two cause of death among 18 to 24 year olds is suicide . That's a huge , huge mental health crisis . The solution for that crisis started 18 to 24 years ago . We , as parents , have that responsibility . Again . You are raising .

Speaker 1 16:50

I tried to raise children who didn't need me . My job is to work myself out of a job Again . I want my kids in my life and I think they want to be in my life . They want to be part of what I'm doing . They want to be part of what I'm doing . They want to be part of this farm . They want to be part of everything we do . But they don't need me .

Raising Independent, Team-Oriented Children

Speaker 1 17:11

It's kind of sad to say I miss those days , but when they did need me , I miss those days , but I also take a lot of comfort in the fact that they don't need me . I'm not important anymore . Their life is important . They have things they want to accomplish and dreams they want to accomplish . They don't need me to do it . Being a farm parent has its blessings and curses , but don't let the bad and the hard work the bad and the hard work get you down . This is a journey that we are on together , that we when I say we as a family one of the biggest lessons that we taught our kids , I believe , is that we are doing this . This is not . I'm doing this and I need you to go do this . We are doing this together and I think by doing things together and by showing that we are a team , we end up with the kind of people in our children that we want to , that we like respect and want to be around . With that . You have a wonderful day , good luck and God bless .